WELL!!! That was a surprise!
The pony play, I mean.
I am a member of a couple of local bdsm groups in my area and one of them hosts a demo every month on different topics. One topic I had never seen presented was on pony play. I've only seen anyone mildly do pony play once or twice and never anything elaborate. I just haven't noticed much interest in it around my area.
A Domme and her male sub came from out of town to do the presentation. I was amazed! His pony name was "whiskey" and he was wonderful! He was so into it and it was obvious that they had spent a lot of time in training him. But, the part that was the most interesting to me was when he came out of character and answered questions about his head space during pony play. Listening to him, I became more and more intrigued.
I never play with folks I don't know. But, he was so reassuring and safe. He offered to allow myself and another interested sub to try out the equipment and give us a taste of it. He even did a little negociation, to see if I wanted to be naked. At that point, I didn't want that.
He began by blindfolding me. He talked to me and to others that were watching as he began to put the equipment on me; the coverings for my hands, the bridle, the bit in my mouth, the lead/reins. He began speaking in my ear, just for me alone. I could feel myself sinking into the pin-point of focus that happens in a scene. All the sounds and people around me began to fade away. Even as it happened, I was surprised by it. I had not expected it.
Just as a trainer does with a horse, he latched onto the bridle and pulled me into a standing position. He began to lead me around, instructing me as to my gait and speed. He even occasionally administered a little swat to keep me in line. I never heard or noticed my surroundings, just his voice.
What was the lure? the draw? It was the control. I gave it up totally. It was peaceful, knowing that I was totally in the present, just waiting and listening for the next command. No past or future to worry about. They didn't matter. All that mattered was obedience. I couldn't speak. Although I was totally clothed, he was at liberty to place his hands wherever he pleased, just as one would on a pony.
Wow!! All of that from one short scene! All I can say is, I want more!
Sunday, May 31, 2009
Thursday, May 21, 2009
My heart
Not that one........the one on my hip.
I have never done body modifications, except for the one hole in each ear. BUT........last fall, I was introduced to cell popping. Some of my very best friends are a local Dom and his sub/wife. He learned to do cell-popping, or micro-branding. He is very happy to allow others to be the test dolly, in order to try it out. So, I had him create a small heart on my hip.
Supposedly, it heals and fades shortly for most people. Unfortunately, or not, I have very fair skin, all over. That apparently means that those types of marks do NOT fade in a short time, if ever, for me. I had become the owner of my first permanent (semi ?) body modification.
I will be the first to say that it wasn't what could be considered a sexy scene, or even a scene at all. It was the first time I had done anything since the break-up with the former Dom, which was several years ago. I wasn't sure this was something I wanted to pursue. After all, what if a future dom didn't like a heart on my hip.
Well, after spending the last several months watching scenes and demos from the sidelines, I decided that I wasn't going to wait on the mythical dom that could be waiting in my future. What if he isn't out there? What if I've used up all my chances? Am I willing to spend the rest of my life watching and waiting? Not no, but HELL NO!!
So, I had the friend Dom go over the previous heart. Today, I have the nice warm feeling of a brand new micro-brand. It's still a heart, just on top of the old one. I'm hoping if I keep repeating it that it will eventually produce enough scar tissue to be raised higher than the surrounding skin. I think it is attractive!
And right after the fresh micro-brand, I DID get to experience something new......pony play!
I'll save that experience for the next post.
Melonie
I have never done body modifications, except for the one hole in each ear. BUT........last fall, I was introduced to cell popping. Some of my very best friends are a local Dom and his sub/wife. He learned to do cell-popping, or micro-branding. He is very happy to allow others to be the test dolly, in order to try it out. So, I had him create a small heart on my hip.
Supposedly, it heals and fades shortly for most people. Unfortunately, or not, I have very fair skin, all over. That apparently means that those types of marks do NOT fade in a short time, if ever, for me. I had become the owner of my first permanent (semi ?) body modification.
I will be the first to say that it wasn't what could be considered a sexy scene, or even a scene at all. It was the first time I had done anything since the break-up with the former Dom, which was several years ago. I wasn't sure this was something I wanted to pursue. After all, what if a future dom didn't like a heart on my hip.
Well, after spending the last several months watching scenes and demos from the sidelines, I decided that I wasn't going to wait on the mythical dom that could be waiting in my future. What if he isn't out there? What if I've used up all my chances? Am I willing to spend the rest of my life watching and waiting? Not no, but HELL NO!!
So, I had the friend Dom go over the previous heart. Today, I have the nice warm feeling of a brand new micro-brand. It's still a heart, just on top of the old one. I'm hoping if I keep repeating it that it will eventually produce enough scar tissue to be raised higher than the surrounding skin. I think it is attractive!
And right after the fresh micro-brand, I DID get to experience something new......pony play!
I'll save that experience for the next post.
Melonie
Thursday, May 14, 2009
He's just not that into you
After DAILY messages for a month, it just stopped. A couple of one-liners a week or so ago, but the last message of any substance was 2 weeks ago. That happened right after the one and only phone call. Do ya think he didn't like my southern accent, or something?? :-)
I KNEW the online, long distance thing was a mistake.
I am not low maintainance. I don't pretend to be and refuse to fake it. If I'm going to be alone, I'll be damned if I am going to give some guy his jollies online or on the phone. If he wants me, he has to earn me and he has to do it in person.
I have been told more than once that I am a great sub. That is usually right before they decide they are bored and go looking elsewhere.
I am one fine damn female! I'm also an excellent submissive. I am attractive, sexy, and intelligent. And every Dominant from my past has eventually come back, to express regret for letting me go or to see if there is a possibility of a reconnection. Nothing like realizing how good you had it after the fact.
Does that mean he just wasn't that into you but then he was????
Guys, you're making me real tired here.
I KNEW the online, long distance thing was a mistake.
I am not low maintainance. I don't pretend to be and refuse to fake it. If I'm going to be alone, I'll be damned if I am going to give some guy his jollies online or on the phone. If he wants me, he has to earn me and he has to do it in person.
I have been told more than once that I am a great sub. That is usually right before they decide they are bored and go looking elsewhere.
I am one fine damn female! I'm also an excellent submissive. I am attractive, sexy, and intelligent. And every Dominant from my past has eventually come back, to express regret for letting me go or to see if there is a possibility of a reconnection. Nothing like realizing how good you had it after the fact.
Does that mean he just wasn't that into you but then he was????
Guys, you're making me real tired here.
Saturday, May 9, 2009
Humiliation
I was asked recently why humiliation is one of my "kinks." It is really hard to explain to someone who isn't affected in the same way that I am by it. It is also hard to describe because it means something different to every person that enjoys it. So, the following is strictly my opinion and from my perspective. Another's view on humiliation may be totally different.
How does humiliation makes this submissive feel? What is her "head space" during humiliation? First of all, I should say what I think humiliation is not.
It is NOT degradation.
It is NOT destroying self-esteem.
It is NOT mental or emotional abuse.
It is NOT belittling someone.
Humiliation could probably be called embarrassment. It involves forcing one to admit or "own up to" certain things that are a turn-on.....things that society would frown on as sexist, degrading, or bad. Humiliation, for some subs, is a "freeing" experience. It allows them to admit or acknowledge that certain things cause them to become sexually aroused. It also lets them know that their partner accepts them and doesn't disapprove of them having those feelings.
When you really stop and think about it, embarrassment or humiliation causes the same physical reactions that one feels at the beginning stages of sexual arousal. Accelerated heartbeat, flushing of the skin, possibly more rapid or shallow breathing. It isn't too much of a stretch to see that the two could be connected, especially when a skillful dominant finds ways to force that connection.
To be honest, I have no idea why humiliation can be a sexual turn-on. However, I do know how it helps in other ways.
It helps the submissive to know their place. Another word for humiliation is "to humble" or to "create humility". Being humiliated, in certain ways, such as pet names ("baby girl" or "little one", etc) makes a submissive FEEL their place.
It helps them to open up, knowing that they won't be judged. Being referred to a a "bitch", "slut", etc allows them to tap into the place inside that truly wants to BE those things. With a partner who understands this, the submissive knows that when it is over, she/he won't be looked at as less than they are. They won't be given less respect as a person. The humiliation of being ordered to perform some sort of degrading act frees the sub to experience it without having to be responsible for it. After all, she/he was ordered to do it.
It helps the submissive to overcome the fears of rejection. There are some things that are difficult for the sub, because they fear rejection. They realize that some of these things are simply baggage from the past. However, humiliation lets the sub do those things, even with the embarrassment that goes with it. Example: All the sub’s life, she was taught that "playing with herself" was bad and unacceptable. So, she was never able to do that in front of a partner. It was too embarrassing to even admit that she did it, much less do it in front of someone. So, for her, being ordered to masturbate while someone watched is extremely humiliating, even though it is something that would be sexually exciting for her.
It helps the submissive to focus. When being humiliated/embarrassed, all the energy causes the submissive to feel a "rush". When that happens, all the energy causes the sub to concentrate on what is going on with their partner. It helps to shut out distractions.
When experiencing humiliation, it creates a sense of anticipation. The sub knows that, when it is over, their partner will make sure that she/he knows they were pleasing, even in a humbled state. The submissive receives a sense of satisfaction from knowing that, regardless of how embarrassed they may be, their partner is happy.
Being humiliated is the ultimate power exchange. Almost anyone can give up control of themselves physically by distancing their spirit from their body. (Example: rape victims) However, giving up control of oneself mentally or emotionally requires a much deeper surrender. Humiliation requires a surrender that is much deeper than physical surrender. It is a way to show a partner, and possibly others that may that witness whatever is going on, that a much greater shift in power has occurred. It also shows that a deep level of commitment exists between the two partners.
With all that said, I know that there is something more personal to humiliation than all that. What FEELINGS happen to the submissive during humiliation?
SATISFACTION because her partner knows her so well.
AROUSED because her partner knows her secret desires, ones that have never been admitted to anyone else.
HUMBLED because she knows her role, her place, in this thing between them.
COMFORTED because she know that she is pleasing her partner.
HAPPY because of what she shares with her partner.
How does humiliation makes this submissive feel? What is her "head space" during humiliation? First of all, I should say what I think humiliation is not.
It is NOT degradation.
It is NOT destroying self-esteem.
It is NOT mental or emotional abuse.
It is NOT belittling someone.
Humiliation could probably be called embarrassment. It involves forcing one to admit or "own up to" certain things that are a turn-on.....things that society would frown on as sexist, degrading, or bad. Humiliation, for some subs, is a "freeing" experience. It allows them to admit or acknowledge that certain things cause them to become sexually aroused. It also lets them know that their partner accepts them and doesn't disapprove of them having those feelings.
When you really stop and think about it, embarrassment or humiliation causes the same physical reactions that one feels at the beginning stages of sexual arousal. Accelerated heartbeat, flushing of the skin, possibly more rapid or shallow breathing. It isn't too much of a stretch to see that the two could be connected, especially when a skillful dominant finds ways to force that connection.
To be honest, I have no idea why humiliation can be a sexual turn-on. However, I do know how it helps in other ways.
It helps the submissive to know their place. Another word for humiliation is "to humble" or to "create humility". Being humiliated, in certain ways, such as pet names ("baby girl" or "little one", etc) makes a submissive FEEL their place.
It helps them to open up, knowing that they won't be judged. Being referred to a a "bitch", "slut", etc allows them to tap into the place inside that truly wants to BE those things. With a partner who understands this, the submissive knows that when it is over, she/he won't be looked at as less than they are. They won't be given less respect as a person. The humiliation of being ordered to perform some sort of degrading act frees the sub to experience it without having to be responsible for it. After all, she/he was ordered to do it.
It helps the submissive to overcome the fears of rejection. There are some things that are difficult for the sub, because they fear rejection. They realize that some of these things are simply baggage from the past. However, humiliation lets the sub do those things, even with the embarrassment that goes with it. Example: All the sub’s life, she was taught that "playing with herself" was bad and unacceptable. So, she was never able to do that in front of a partner. It was too embarrassing to even admit that she did it, much less do it in front of someone. So, for her, being ordered to masturbate while someone watched is extremely humiliating, even though it is something that would be sexually exciting for her.
It helps the submissive to focus. When being humiliated/embarrassed, all the energy causes the submissive to feel a "rush". When that happens, all the energy causes the sub to concentrate on what is going on with their partner. It helps to shut out distractions.
When experiencing humiliation, it creates a sense of anticipation. The sub knows that, when it is over, their partner will make sure that she/he knows they were pleasing, even in a humbled state. The submissive receives a sense of satisfaction from knowing that, regardless of how embarrassed they may be, their partner is happy.
Being humiliated is the ultimate power exchange. Almost anyone can give up control of themselves physically by distancing their spirit from their body. (Example: rape victims) However, giving up control of oneself mentally or emotionally requires a much deeper surrender. Humiliation requires a surrender that is much deeper than physical surrender. It is a way to show a partner, and possibly others that may that witness whatever is going on, that a much greater shift in power has occurred. It also shows that a deep level of commitment exists between the two partners.
With all that said, I know that there is something more personal to humiliation than all that. What FEELINGS happen to the submissive during humiliation?
SATISFACTION because her partner knows her so well.
AROUSED because her partner knows her secret desires, ones that have never been admitted to anyone else.
HUMBLED because she knows her role, her place, in this thing between them.
COMFORTED because she know that she is pleasing her partner.
HAPPY because of what she shares with her partner.
Sunday, May 3, 2009
This and that
WELL!!! I didn't realize it had been over a month since posting here. Life is busy this time of year.
The swine flu has arrived in our community. As a result, no school this past Thursday and Friday. As of this afternoon, my school is opening tomorrow. We have no idea if we will have to make up missed days. The teachers are always the last to know, so I'm expecting the students to tell me the latest update in the next couple of days.
I swore I wouldn't do the online or long-distance thingee again. So, I've been speaking with someone online for the last several weeks, along with a few emails. We very recently moved to phone calls. I feel that I've been very cautious. No meetings have been discussed at this point in time.
There is one thing about which I'm a little concerned. I invited him to call me and gave him my cell phone number. However, both times he has called me, his number has been blocked. Red flag???? In addition, after daily contact for several weeks, he has suddenly backed off to just one short message in the last 3 days.
I am DETERMINED that I won't chase him.
Sigh........(rant coming on). I want to be open and honest. I try to be as forthcoming as requested. However, if a relationship is to develop, there has to be more discussion than just what two people have in common, sexually. Yes, if bdsm is a consuming interest of one, then it is very important to establish whether that is also of interest to the other. But, it can't stop with that, unless only sexual contact is the goal. I've had enough of that to last a lifetime. Until I learn more about a person than just their sexual interests, everything will remain at a dead standstill. I'm not going down that road again, especially not with someone who doesn't trust me enough to allow me to see their phone number when they know mine.
Melonie
The swine flu has arrived in our community. As a result, no school this past Thursday and Friday. As of this afternoon, my school is opening tomorrow. We have no idea if we will have to make up missed days. The teachers are always the last to know, so I'm expecting the students to tell me the latest update in the next couple of days.
I swore I wouldn't do the online or long-distance thingee again. So, I've been speaking with someone online for the last several weeks, along with a few emails. We very recently moved to phone calls. I feel that I've been very cautious. No meetings have been discussed at this point in time.
There is one thing about which I'm a little concerned. I invited him to call me and gave him my cell phone number. However, both times he has called me, his number has been blocked. Red flag???? In addition, after daily contact for several weeks, he has suddenly backed off to just one short message in the last 3 days.
I am DETERMINED that I won't chase him.
Sigh........(rant coming on). I want to be open and honest. I try to be as forthcoming as requested. However, if a relationship is to develop, there has to be more discussion than just what two people have in common, sexually. Yes, if bdsm is a consuming interest of one, then it is very important to establish whether that is also of interest to the other. But, it can't stop with that, unless only sexual contact is the goal. I've had enough of that to last a lifetime. Until I learn more about a person than just their sexual interests, everything will remain at a dead standstill. I'm not going down that road again, especially not with someone who doesn't trust me enough to allow me to see their phone number when they know mine.
Melonie
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)