The Return

Oh, my what a lot of changes in the last couple of years!

Yes, I did walk away from the bdsm lifestyle for a season. I had to heal and re-think who I am along with what I was doing with my life. In addition, I needed to spend some time reflecting on WHO I was allowing into my life.

It has now been several years since any active participation in that lifestyle. For the life of me, I just can't help missing the friends that I made. One of the advantages of the bdsm lifestyle for me, was the freedom to be ME. One rude discovery for me was that not everyone saw it that way. For many, it was an opportunity to be someone that they were not. Unfortunately, I generally take folks at face value, so I was regularly disillusioned. How do I find a middle ground?

It was an important discovery, because I have found that I really want to try again. Try again to find a way to mesh the light and dark parts of me. Try again to balance ALL the parts, instead of denying one while focusing solely on the other. So, I know that I need to develop a better filter.

One aspect of my life that has to be included is my Christianity. Have I shocked you? Yes, I am a Christian, a very commited Christian. I don't try to force my relationship with God on anyone else. I just try to live it. So, how in the world do I integrate THAT with the needs of a submissive? If you know, please enlighten me!!!

During my sabbatical from bdsm, I worked very hard on recovering from decades-long depression. I am happy to say that I have finally overcome that particular demon. It has also helped greatly in how I see myself as a person.

I suppose the next step is to CAREFULLY begin returning to the folks that I learned to love long ago........my bdsm community. Except for the usual pretenders and wannabes, they are the most tolerant, honest people I know. I am grateful because they accept me.

My return to this particular path in my journey has begun.

Melonie (aka Dancer)