Setting boundaries

One of the first discussions that T and I had was about what we both wanted from our time together. This was the beginning of how we established the boundaries for our relationship. The unsettling part is that we have managed to push those boundaries in just a few short weeks.

One of T's first statements to me was that he was unable to be anyone's full-time dominant at the present time. I'm not quite sure if why that is. But, regardless of the reason, that is how he feels and that should be respected. To be honest, I don't know if I'm ready for a full-time Dominant myself. So, we agreed to be play partners, with a little d/s thrown in.

He wants me to refer to him as Sir all the time, including outside the play arena. He does not want me asking permission for mundane details outside the play time. In other words, the protocol when we aren't playing is very relaxed. However, protocol when we are playing is not relaxed. That doesn't mean we can't joke and tease when playing. But, we are more picky. Example? I do have to ask or wait for permission for most things while we are playing. I don't generally approach him, but wait until he instructs me as to what he wants. I suppose the best way to describe it is that we have a definite set of rituals that are an indication that a play session, or scene, is beginning or ending. Everything between that beginning and ending is a much more structured protocol.

I mentioned at the beginning that we are already bumping up against those boundaries. We both acknowledge that things have progressed much more rapidly than either of us expected. We play multiple time a week now, simply because we both enjoy it so much. We don't spend lots of time on the phone or online. We prefer spending actual "face-time" with each other. We just can't seem to keep from playing almost every time we are together. Part of our time is also spent in long conversations. We have become great friends!

I must admit that it is becoming more difficult to maintain the boundaries. I remind myself frequently that we are not exclusive. We both even discuss interests we have in playing with others, even though it hasn't happened yet. I also remind myself that he still has feelings for previous partners and that even though we seem very compatible, there are also some very important differences that would be hard to overcome in a more commited relationship.

All those reminders fly out the window when the swirl of brain chemicals take over. He pushes me harder and further than anyone ever has. He kisses and cuddles divinely. And he never, ever, gives up control when we play. Ever.

For now, I am just trying to hang on for the ride.

Melonie