Love and hate

You would think, after all these years, that I would have come to accept that there are things that I both love and hate, at the same time.

Pain is one of those things. Even though I am a masochist, it doesn't mean that being severely paddled, spanked, or beaten doesn't hurt. Yes, it hurts, a lot! But I also get severely turned on by it. And depending on the severity of the pain, I may process it by cursing or even complaining. All while getting more and more sexually aroused. It is as if my body betrays me and there is not one thing I can do about.

I realize that this may present a dilemma for the dominant. If he administers a beating in a scene, and I inform him, through gritted teeth, that he is an evil son of a bitch, does he take that to mean I need to stop? Or does he continue? If I yell "ouch" or "that hurts, damn it", how does he handle it? That may be in addition to general cussing and swearing at him all the while. Oh, and don't forget the complaining!

For informational purposes, I don't generally curse in every day conversation. I also don't normally insult a dominant that I am serving. The very idea of it is highly embarrassing to me. I don't consider myself a brat and don't do bratty things to get attention. Odd as it may seem, from a submissive that will play in public dungeons, I'd rather not be the center of attention in a group of people.

Unfortunately, that is how I process the pain. I hate it at the time because it hurts, damn it! But, I keep coming back for more. I curse, occasionally dodge, and may insult the poor dominant having to deal with me. My traditional southern lady of a mother would be positively horrified at my bad manners. But, BUT, I still end up back in place, waiting for the next strike.

Loving it and hating it at the same time and desperately hoping that no one notices the wet running down my leg, indicating my total lack of self-control.

Dazed and confused from a weekend of playing,
Melonie